she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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