girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
