I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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