some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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