I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
