He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
