doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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