is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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