i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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