when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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