You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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