I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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