We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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