your room smells of hookers.
And success
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
