im having a threesome with these popsicles
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Drake has all the answers
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
