she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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