Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
