well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
