so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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