i need an iv and a liver transplant
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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