I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
