I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
