Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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