matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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