i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
