maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
