honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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