So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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