Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize