I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
