this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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