I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
