Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I have post one night stand depression
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
