Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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