I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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