Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
