we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
