He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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