Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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