Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
