Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
