is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
