The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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