She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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