I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
