My hand turned me down
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
