just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
