No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Say something about gay babies.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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