I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
