do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
