Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
being pregnant is like rehab
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
