I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
