For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Drunk is not a location!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
