I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize