some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
