Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
