That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
