There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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