Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize