make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
