my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
