They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
