I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
