Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
