He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize