you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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