I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
