My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
