Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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