i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
