I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
