Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
