Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
