Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
