my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
