I wish my penis had an off switch
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
