the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
