i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So squirting runs in the family.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
