I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
