dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
