I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
